havent posted in a few days. well not much to say really. just watching svu, ya know. the normzzzzz. annnnywhooo. last night i ended up cracking my windshield. just driving home having rocks pelted at me…nbd or anything. i wasnt too ticked, i havent had much luck with this car at alllll. the only thing i like is that its thursday and ive only used a half tank of gas! (: my caliber woulda been done with a tank by now. so saturday to thursday…half tank is notttt bad at all for all the driving i do. im so tired of driving, i feel like im in college cause i drive so far just to get to and from school. blah! i was super stoked when staci uploaded the pictures from choir. that chick seriously makes my day. we can laugh at nothing, really…nothing at all and we laugh. thats why i love her so much. i really need to get her back into blogging, i remember when she blogged when myspace was “in”. i just wrote on her wall. ahhahaha. i feel like im creepin cause im talkin about her and shes prolly not gunna read this. does anyone read these? lol. oh well, atleast i feel like im telling someone about my week. i miss blogging all the time. i also miss writing and reading as much as i used to. i also really cant wait until it snows so i can have a reason to move back in with stacia. its prolly gunna be the last time since next year is college. ew….dont remind me. i stilllll dont know what i wanna be when i grow up or what i wanna study and i really hate when we have to do those career cruising things in english cause they all tell me either something with music or teacher. my first thing is allllways music teacher…..NO! ugh. im getting depressed. anyways. im gunna stop typing. i feel like i wrote a book already :P
well had my college course again toady and ended up spending an hour at barnes & noble and 50 bucks. :P i miss reading all the time, i really wish i didnt spend so much time on facebook and the internet…i dont watch that much tv anymore, i come home and listen to the radio because im just on the internet. blaaah. right now im on here aaand watching svu<3 waiting for the game to end so i can watch big bang theory with my daddy. i really should be doing my college work….ill do it this week. :P i had such a great day at the waterville festival with the kay family(: i love them so much & im so glad that i can be a part of their family<3 ive realized today that i really do like living with my dad. i can do my own thing because my dad is never really here when i am..not that im going to take advantage of that or do something he wouldnt like..but just the fact that i can crank up the music and do whatever feels nice. but on the other side…i really miss the family aspect of living with my adopted family. i miss the dinners every night and the going to bed laughing with my sister. i miss the good night hugs & kisses from momma & just the whole routine i had over there. but i guess everything happens for a reason, right? :/ im trying to find my own routine over here but i end up changing it up all the time. right now im watching netflix off my dads tv so im in his room instead of mine…not usually my choice of scenery, but hey…something different. sometimes i feel like im in college on my own cause i have to drive a distance to get to school and i come home and im by myself. sometimes its nice, but other times veryyy lonely coming from a house full of people. i just miss them so much! ugh.
well enough of me venting. today was an over all good day, even though i didnt get to sleep in yesterday orrr today…stupid college course :PPP im so tired but not tired enough to fall asleep right now. haha. i went to red lobster today with my daddy and grandma…it was actually a good conversation for once because nothing was about me. woo hoo! well i really should go do my laundry before my dad calls me to watch tv with him…then ill never get it done and ill be screwed tomorrow morning when i go to get dressed for school. lol! well, farewell for now tumblr…thanks for listening(;
i know many of us say we regret nothing because regretting things isnt the best thing to do. well we all have something we would take back dont we? something we’ve done, or said? doesnt that count as regret? we cant change it, so why do we keep looking back on it? <—- i really wish someone would answer that for me. im at another breaking point…again, i know. i just get to thinking back on my choices and start to think about the mistakes ive made and the things ive done and how i dont like some of those things. i just dont understand why i did this to myself in the first place. well….let me explain. first off, family isnt something to be messed with, and i really wish i would have learned that a long time ago before i pushed myself into someone elses family. its not my family and will never be and i feel bad for pushing myself where i wasnt wanted because it just caused more problems for that family. i should have realized that no matter what i did or said, it wasnt going to change in the long run. they have helped me through sooo much in the past year, and for that i am forever grateful. im just sorry that i pushed myself into it in the first place. i should have stuck out a little longer and dealt with my own problems on my own and not drag others into my problems. no, my family isnt the greatest, but its all i have and we only get one family right? so i really just need to focus on mine more i guess. i just tend to push myself onto people and get super attached to them and when they change their ways i have a hard time adjusting. this is why i dont get super close to many people…i always get hurt, i should know that by now.
another thing is that i really need to start being thankful for what i have, i tend to take things for granted. but when you stop and think about the things people dont have…you tend to feel a little bad for acting the way you have been. thinkn about it, there are starving people all over the world and what do we do when were full? throw our food away? exactly. so i really need to start being grateful for the things i do have because i am grateful that i have a dad with a full time job that can get me the things i need. i need to be grateful for the people God has put in my life to help me out, they know who they are…i hope. i just hope they wont forget about me when everythings all said and done.
im not proud of who ive been these past few months. i dont think it should have ended up like this….or maybe it shouldnt have started at all? i dont know, im probably being stupid. but ive just felt hurt lately and i feel like i have no one to talk to anymore…but then again, thats probably my own fault. dont get me wrong, im not looking for sympathy or anything, just simply venting out stupid stuff. i just dont know anymore…