a little late night thinking anyone?
tonight i was laying on the couch watching master chef with my mom and step dad and i had like a vision, im not sure what to call it but time stopped for a second. i began to think about where i was and what i was doing. i was laying on someones couch, watching someones tv, in someones house. it was a moment that i cant really explain. but it made me think about how my life has changed..
about 4 or 5 years ago my life change drastically. i moved right out of my mothers house into a friends house in the matter of a week, but never with the realization about how much the people in that house would ever mean to me. i know i tell her all the time how much i love her but i can say 100% that no one fully understands just how much that is. i never had a relationship with my real mom and i longed for one my entire life, but im starting to come to the realization that no matter how much both of us tried, i never wanted that relationship with her. i know, that sounds really bad, but it has made me into the person i am right at this very moment. i have made some unforgettable bonds with some incredible people, people that i never ever want to lose. people that i could never imagine my life without. of course there are still plenty of family and friends that have stuck it out with me my entire life and i am forever grateful for those people too.
i just know that without you, i would not be the person i am today. i have changed so much since i first stepped into your house. i dont even know how to repay you for all the things you have done for me. these past few months have made me appreciate you all the more. i know i let my attitude get in the way of things but its hard to switch gears in the flash of a second. i am trying my best, thats all i can offer. but i love you with all my heart!
i was trying to think about how different my life would be without you making room in your life for me…not that i dont already do it on a daily basis anyhow, i was just in deep thought about the whole thing ever since i had that flash of a moment tonight. i try my best to show you how much you mean to me, but it will never feel good enough to me, it wont ever get my complete point across like i want it to. there are so many things that i have going for me in my life right now that i know for a fact i would not have! i cant even count how many!! not only the material things and the opportunities but the love and support that you have shown me these past few years have been more than enough to show me what it is like to have what i have been yearning for since i can remember!
not a day goes by that i dont thank god for putting an angel like you in my life to guide me on the path that i was meant to go on. everything happens for a reason, you just have to BELIEVE that it is going to work out. you are my reason, and i do believe that everything will work out, for the both of us. we are both under a lot of stress, different kinds but it is taking a toll on the both of us. i just dont want our relationship to lose some of its value because of it. you are my rock and my best friend..the person that i tell good news to first, the person that i cant wait to spend time with, the person that i will try my best to always impress and i wouldnt have that any other way!
all i want to do is make you proud and lately i dont feel like i have done a very good job of that and i apologize. i have waited for someone like you my entire life and now that i have gotten it, i guess i try to mold it to my kind of want, but i know that i cant be selfish and for that i apologize. i just cant begin to explain how much our time means to me, completely warms my heart and keeps me sane! i just cant believe that you put up with me and have for so long! just dont get fed up and leave, id be completely lost!
but just promise me one thing, you will be the one to zip up my dress on my wedding day….ok?